trying not to take myself too seriously

Someone told me to lighten up.

She told me that I take myself too seriously and would go ballistic when provoked.

Maybe I am ... my only excuse is that I tend to put everything into what I do, full commitment and all.

I admit that I am not really a fun and laughter kind of person .. my humor tend to be the dark and sarcastic kind.

That's the reason I have been steering away from certain topics which would bring out the worst in me.

Life is too short for me to waste in being angry and upset over something that I can't do anything about.

So when she wanted me to continue blogging, I was like "I thought you wanted me to lighten up?"

Ann: write something funny
Me: i am not a funny person
Ann: write something about the work that you did in JB
Me: that wasn't a fun experience
Ann: it doesn't have to be fun, just not angry
Me: when i write i come across as angry?
Ann: you take yourself too seriously, you go ballistic when provoked
Me: i don't go ballistic, i just can't stand stupid
Ann: there you go
Me: what?
Ann: you sound angry
Me: i am not angry
Ann: yes you do
Me: no i don't

... and thing degenerate from there.

I am not really sure that I want to write about what I actually did in Johor during the run up to the 13th GE.

It was in the past and I doubt that anyone would be interested in what our team did to defend the state, although it would not do any harm as I was told that the current team at Kota Iskandar are doing things differently.

So it wouldn't be like I will be spilling the beans on the strategies and tactics of the old team.

The reason my friend wanted me to write about it is because I had shared with her some aspects of my work back then and she felt that I have a lot of material to share here.

Heavily censored of course, to protect some of the organisations and individuals involved in the defense of Johor.

The thing is, I doubt anyone cares to know about my experiences back then .. after all that was the past and the past has been rubbished by the present.

What I know is, the two years I was directly involved in the defense of Johor leading up to the 13th GE was a very tiring and sobering experience for someone who had no prior knowledge nor exposure to Malaysian politics.

On top of my actual job, the one that I actually got paid for, I had to read up a lot of history, analysed a lot of data from a number of diverse sources, traveled a lot throughout the state even to its furthermost corner, met a lot of people from all strata of life, and sacrificed a lot of my precious sleep time .. all on my own time.

It wasn't fun .. it was exhilarating, exciting, frustrating and exasperating, especially when you were trying to convince people of what they needed to do while they tried to convince you that they knew better than us and their ways were the winning ways.

I had been told that some of those people said that my data was rubbish/useless, that my analysis was wrong, my methods wouldn't be effective .. but I was proven right that night when the results were announced .. my analysis wasn't far off at all, in fact it was scarily accurate.

I am tired of trying to help people who do not want to be helped.

I can't stand arrogance just as much as I can't stand stupidity.

So I just leave things be.