寂寞的日子

A good friend lost his brother yesterday evening. I'm sorry that I can't be of much help to him. He is a good and sincere person, but of late he is going through a rough patch. I hope he will continue to be strong.

For his arwah brother, Alfatihah.

News such as this passing of my friend's brother always reminds me of my own mortality. How much more time that I have left on this earth? What should I do with that time?

As I had admitted, I'm not a religious person. Nonetheless, as a Muslim, it's a must for me to believe in the afterlife. So, naturally I need to prepare myself for the inevitable.

Sometimes I ask myself, why people want so much from this world while knowing that they will one day have to leave it all behind. The power, the wealth, the beautiful wife/handsome husband, even the children.

Why must we fight so hard for all those things?

Well, I know that everyone need to survive and secure the future of their beloved. But do we really need to go to the extent of lying and cheating and slandering others to get what we want? Do we need to hurt others to get what we crave for?

In all honesty, do we need all those hypocrisies to survive?

On top of that, why do we need to be so arrogant once we reach a higher station in life, whatever that really is? Is that really necessary? Can't we remember, that maybe we achieve all that with the help of people who now we look down at with disdain? Is our conscience clear on that?

Is it necessary to break the heart of others? Promise them  things like eternal love and then chuck them out once we get what we want out of them. Why do we need to be so cruel?

One day, all of us will be going through those final days of our life. I believe that at that time, we would reflect on our life and remember our deeds and misdeeds. Especially, the misdeeds which we wish we had not committed. How we will wish we could undo the harm that we had done. How we wish we could apologize to those whose heart we broke, whose life we wrecked.

Of course, by that time it would be all too late for us. We will just be an old person that no one really care about.

 We could really end up being the sad lonely old person in an old folks home. Just sitting there, day by day, remembering those we love who don't really love us anymore and those who truly love us but whose love we forsake for one reason or another.
We will sit there on the reclining chair outside the old folks home and remember everything.

Yes, for now we are young, and would say that we will not regret anything. But when we are old and lonely, we would not be so arrogant anymore. We will indeed remember and regret...all those lies, all those abuses, all those damages we inflict on others, all those broken hearts etc etc.

Even the big men have their regrets later on in life. Dr Mahathir regrets that he never managed to change the Malay laid back mindset, Lee Kwan Yew regrets destroying the Chinese school system in Singapore....for some others, I think they will regret having too much fun with those cute foreign prostitutes, handsome coffee boys, other people's wife etc etc.

Ok, enough la of this. Before I write more and make people angry, I better stop and go wash my car. Need to clean up it's inside. Look like garbage bin lah. Even saw a little cockroach running around yesterday.